I have so many skeletons in the closet that the door hardly closes. I can’t even write them all here because I’m afraid that someone would recognize me. I’m a loser swimming in self-pity that will never do anything great in his life, even though I’ve always succeeded in IQ tests. I have too much debt and so many problems with money and my personal finances that there’s nothing I can do about it. Talk about payday loans, mortgage loans or loans from my friends at pikavippivertailut.info – I have it all and more. I don’t know how to love anyone anymore or how to get interested about anyone because anytime I’ve done it I’ve been hurt really badly. Still some little voice in my head tries to make me care about one important lady to me, even though I realize that all I can be for her is an average friend. I know that I can only disappoint myself, no matter what I do. Every day I pray for a higher power to give me a big win in an online casino to save me from my huge debts. I play poker and bingo in netticasinot many times a week even though I have too much debt already. I just wish that my luck would change one day and I would win big to be able to get rid of my debts and maybe have some money to spend as well. I smoke too many cigarettes that I bought from www.sähkötupakka.net a day and even though I have changed to electronic cigarette I think I’m still using way too much money on that and I ruin my health at the same time. Sometimes I think that if I could choose whether to win in lottery or die instantly, I would choose death. I don’t think that millions of dollars would help to fix the damage that my soul has experienced during my horrible life. I still can’t end my own days because I have promised that to someone at www.pikalaina.me. I also have a sick obsession of keeping my promises. I guess that’s very rare in today’s society. I’ve been very depressed for a long time but I don’t have any strength to get help even to my debt problems. I recently realized that a friend of mine had got meds for similar problems but I can’t steal them even though I would like to.
February 4, 2010 Thursday at 2:34 pm
I used to steal things with my friends a lot about 1,5 years ago. We did this for many months and I don’t even know the worth of all the things we stole. We stole cigarettes, candy, alcohol, food – everything you can imagine. We didn’t even think about getting caught, that easy and fun it was. One day my friend actually got caught. They were stealing many packs of cigarettes and got caught. The store had invested in better security doors that probably caused my friends to get caught. I was lucky and got away with it. I haven’t been stealing anything after that and learned my lesson: it is not worth it to steal things. Every time I walk past a counter, I feel like I am a criminal.
January 8, 2010 Friday at 2:49 pm