One of a range of questions that will generally be followed by a lingering, horrified silence. The questioner will discover that no, no one knew, and that he had, in fact, made a terrible blunder that would haunt him for the rest of his days.

A slow, muggy silence followed Tom Fletcher's statement that "If you look through your legs when you're having a shit, you can see the poo coming out of your arse".

We've all thought it. Some will even confess that they've peeked through the gap between the bowl and the toilet seat, if they're pushed. But Tom Fletcher's eagerness to share this discovery implies that he went on to watch poos slide out of a great many arses.

Never convincingly covered up with overtures of an embarrassed "I was only kidding, Jesus" or, even worse, "I only said it to see if anyone else would say yes..."

No you weren't, you ate your wank and everyone now knows it.

Tom Clues reveled in the act and even felt extra pride upon realising that no one else did, when he announced it one lunch time.

But then this was hardly a surprising admission from a lad who got his stiffy out in the middle of Plymouth shopping district and tended to "just nip into Debenhams for a wank".

I know! Lets' get the dog to lick our cocks!
[pause as we tried to work out if he was joking]
Brilliant idea! That'd be amazing! You go first!
[he wasn't joking]

A : Does anyone else get an erection when taking a massive shit?
B thru H, in unison : No.
A : ...me neither.
[pause]
A : Just checking.
[pause]
A : Just making sure no-one got the horn when they did massive shits.
[pause]
A : [laughs] Sickos!

The scenario unfolds as follows:

1) Toilet flushes.
2) My friend exits the toilet, looking puzzled.
3) My friend asks the question 'do you cum when you poo?'

I was unable to say anything. I still am.