A band name vetoed by virtue of a French teacher's miscarriage. Other names that were also rejected on the grounds of poor taste were Abortion Bucket and Minge Wipers From Mars.

Readers! Have you been in a band that's main purpose was to fanny about and shock people? If so, tell us your band name. We'd love to know... - Log

Hevi Sosij - 'Mr Fatgit's Casio Keyboard Compendium' (1988)

Thrill to the sounds of underage drinking in Matt Kitching's garage whilst a bossa nova beat sounds from Hubble's sister's Casio keyboard.

Marked the beginning of my rock n roll lifestyle that has most recently resulted in this.

(Any loss of fluids or balance faculties from listening to Phil's own interpretation of music are not the responsibility of The Law of the Playground. - Log.)

Lesbian Ashtray was formed whilst waiting for a taxi outside Manhattan's in Southport. Our success was based solely on the name, as only our drummer had ever seen or played an instrument. Our manager, Big Gay Al, probably added to our glamorous mystique.

Our school band came *this* close to being called Bigfoot and the Groincrushers, but the powers that be made us choose something far wankier.

Our thrash metal band 'uncle fester' had a song called 'Bush Dog' which was all about our Sociology teacher and Sixth Form Head, Mrs Bush. Remarkably, I can still remember all the lyrics, and I lay them below for your perusal :-

Bush Dog, bush dog, bush dog,
Bush Dog, bush dog, bush dog
Bush Dog, bush dog, bush dog.

(chorus)
Bush Doooooooggggggg

Bush Dog, bush dog, bush dog,
Bush Dog, bush dog, bush dog,
Bush Dog, bush dog, bush dog.

(chorus)

Repeat to fade

The 'school band' due to play at our 6th form leaving do was called "Dad's Big Log" - I think because they were shit. They were forced to change the name, but kept the same initials - "Dark Brown Lada."

I'm proud to day that I was the guitarist in the Purple Headed Warriors. Which is an even worse band name than that of a bunch of nutters I once met called ZX Rectum.

The principles of starting a teenage band are simple.

1. Choose band name.
2. Choose first album title.
3. Design first album cover.
4. Plan how to spend first million made by album.
5. Disband for artistic reasons.

The pinnacle of teen fame was reached by my friend Simon's band 'The Myra Hindley Creche Facility' when they actually reached the play-off of Battle of the Bands in Bristol.

Back in school, the hairy rockers in the year formed a band called "Sandpaper Fanny and the Rough Cunts".

"Skrote Hed Alien" My poncy band's 'side project' based loosely on a disliking of Slipknot, with the song 'Bike with a Spike (Pain in my Ass)', which contained the lyrics "bike with a spike", "pain in my ass", "bleeeeeeed!" and "wheeeeeee!".

The politically geared follow up 'Rape Room' based on the idea of Saddam Hussein's fictional rape room, performed in boiler suits, one of which had 'poo' written on the back.

1 goal
2 holes
3 poles
4 walls
The 5 balls of dictatro will destroy you all.

The number five is a combination of Hussein, Stalin and Hitler's testicular count.

I was in the Muleclops Ding-Dong Banana Band. Our principal members were Melanie Whiplash Haystack III, Verucca Tipex, Valmon Darkfire and Princess Leia (real name David). My solo project 'I spanked your dad' was not nearly as successful.

I played the drums in a band called Satanic Asylum. Our debut single Frisbee Grenade was also the title of our first album, which also included such songs as Nervous Auntie, Sick On My Shoes, Bone Cancer, I Love You (Despite Your Appalling Injuries) and Incest Vest.

Actually, when I say I played the drums, I mean that I would have played them if we had any drums, or in fact if we did anything more than make up song titles and lyrics. But we could have been huge.

In the 2nd year, Ed Pinto copied everyone's taste in music, so we invented a rock group called Triangle Sex Gods, complete with their own logo. We talked about them for weeks, mentioning the imminent release of their new single and album until Ed finally started claiming he'd heard them and that they were great. When we revealed the nature of our ploy, he denied it all, like the little twat that he was.

I was one half of the experimental duo 'Kipper Knickers'. We even took the cover photo for our first album: the two of us standing holding our noses in front of a giant pair of brown pants hanging on the washing line. We were 18.

Our school's contribution to progressive playground rock were called Bellend And Balloon, and comprised two highly-talented songwriters shouting into a tape recorder.

Their most well-recieved work was entitled 'Phil, How Many Fucking Grans Have You Got?', inspired by the persistent absenteeism of a classmate who seemed to suffer family bereavements far too regularly.

They achieved school-wide notoriety due to the daring artwork of their demo tape cover, which was a collage of pictures of male genitalia from porn mags interspersed with polaroids of their own cocks.

We were required to form a band as part of our Music lessons and this was the result.

‘Ice Desert’ were:

Guitar: Butler
Keyboard: Ratcliffe
Hitting a glockenspiel with one stick: Smithy
“Lyrics”, "singing" and “artistic direction”: Me

Our first (and only) song was a cutting insight into apathy, caused by the monotony of everyday life. I believed, however, that my voice was louder than it was, and that the levels on the mic were far too high compared to the other instruments.

Our first (and only) gig consisted of the others playing what passed for the tune, while I occasionally spoke, "I don't want this", into the microphone, which was being pushed desperately into my hands by the teacher with a frantic look on her face.