Silent But Deadly, a popular type of fart. Whilst in retrospect volume was never inversely proportional to the actual stench produced, it was generally accepted that the silent ones were the worst, as our elaborate pantomimes after inhalation would attest. Common remarks in the immediate aftermath almost always included, "He who smelt it, dealt it" (q.v.)

Stefan Grzasko developed quite a penchant for getting good lungfuls of the expelled air, and giving a considered and expert opinion on the quality. We always listened to his judgement.

The reverse of the Silent But Deadly was the 'D.B.S' (Dangerous Bottom Syndrome), where the farter tried to make his guff more stealthy by tightly squeezing his bumcheeks together.

However, this often only resulted in a high pitched squeaker or the farter shitting their pants.

The 'Schools Christian Assembly Team' who toured Derby, and possibly elsewhere, in the late 80s.

On the night before his death, according to the Christian scriptures, Jesus consecrated bread, wine and chocolate and gave them to his disciples, saying "this is my body", "this is my blood" and "this is my poo-poo". He commanded his followers to repeat this rite in his memory, and the Poocharist traditionally involves consecration of bread, wine and Walnut Whips by the clergy and their consumption by worshippers.

In Roman Catholicism the Poocharist is a cackrament, and the bread, wine and chocolate are thought to become the actual body, blood and ploppies of Jesus through transubstantiation.

Particularly vulgar and amusing variant on flashing by Greg, who would expose just his scrotum in public.

Sometimes this would be just casually doing normal stuff like, say, buying sweets at the shop with his scrotum hanging out of his flies as if he hadn't noticed, and sometimes it would be a full on run-up-to-the-granny-pull-the-old-sack-out-whilst-shouting-sack-attack-and-running-away-again routine. Endlessly hilarious and linked to several legendary tales.

A saucier variation of "sack attack" was the game of "Bollock". The point of "bollock" was to get as close to possible to your prey, with the jackpot awarded to those who get their bollock to rest on someone's leg.

A "bollock reversal" was terrible but fair, and involved the twisting of an exposed testis. A hit and run approach is advised.

A game involving a sharp pencil and extrasensory perception. Named, for some reason, after German worksheets of the same name.

Player A wields the pencil and thinks of a number between 1 and 10. Player B guesses the number. If B guesses correctly, the roles are reversed. If he guesses wrongly, A stabs him in the thigh with the pencil with a shout of "Sag Mal!" for being so fatuous as to suggest a wrong number. Over time you become spookily good at it. Or you end up with very sore thighs.

Improbable cash-in board game, linking ITV's top presenters with the true story of how the Spanish Armada foundered on the rocks around the coasts of Britain. Suprisingly, Mr Roberts deemed it of sufficient historical value that myself and Andre (its co-creators) were asked to play it on school open night in front of the bewildered parents of prospective pupils.

Our Home Economics teacher, Miss Munroe, would get the class to chant "salts and sugars are not nutritious" before the start of every lesson.

After school one evening, Miss Munroe was spied by Martin Jenkins gobbling off our sports teacher in the car-park of the local pub.

When she intoned her mantra in class the following day, Martin's reply of "what about the ones in Mr. Johnson's spunk, miss?" was enough to see her scream and run crying from the room. She didn't return to school.

A shame really, as we wanted to know if she'd gone against her own teachings by swallowing.

A speech synthesis programme on the Commodore 64 that provides me to this day with my comical "robot malfunction" voice. Oh, you should hear me. I'm such a one.

What may seem like a rubbish insult got me in a lot of trouble, because Sandra was a Jehova's Witness, as was the teacher in that class. Why they should be so sensitive about smelling like squirrels is beyond me; unless they, you know... bum them.

Liam Cornelius Kennelly, oblivious to the immaturities of his fellow 6th formers, loudly replied to Phill’s claims that he was gay with the unforgettable line:

“Yeah, Phill, I’m really gay”

It was the addition of being “really” gay that made the admission even more shocking. Any gayness we had previously perceived in Liam was clearly only the tip of the gay iceberg; I mean, even gay people don’t admit to being “really” gay, unless they are taking part in some kind of bizarre gay one-upmanship.

The form of Satanism which consists of nothing more than memorizing the Lord's Prayer backwards and drawing pentagrams on our New English Bibles.

Also, using a Ouija Board in an attic (spirits being fond of attics), which would always spell out three quarters of a swear word before someone asked who was pushing it.

The real way to raise Lucifer from the pit is to have a load of kids all link pinkies in a big circle, close our eyes and chant "Satan come and scratch us". He actually managed to scratch a few people's faces.

Why he didn't just kill us is beyond me. Maybe he's shy.

It was a well known fact that the devil could be summoned by placing a 10p on a grave at midnight and dancing round it ten times. We were too scared to do this, however, and instead tried using a green fruit pastille and dancing round it five times at midday. Nothing happened.

Andrew Hubble informed us that he planned to stay awake until midnight and recite the Lord's Prayer backwards in the hopes of conjuring up Beelzebub himself. When he didn't turn up at school the next day we were naturally concerned that Lucifer had stolen poor Andy away, but he'd just overslept, because he'd stayed up past his bedtime on a school night.

Crazed PE teacher Mr Dolby insisted that the simple act of playing Dungeons and Dragons is the first step on the slippery slope to Satanism.

And, Jim, he was right. As this cartoon shows. Thanks - Log.

My friend's dad - a vicar - had to pray to see if she was allowed to go to a Hallowe'en party.

He also prayed to see if she could have a hamster.

We'd heard from some older kids (who had been taught these things in the fourth year) that if you waited until midnight, went outside and squeezed an orange over a mirror, you would summon the Devil.

It worked too, if you think that a successful Devil-summoning constists of a pleasant smelling mirror and sticky fingers.