A particularly apt set of initials for a member of staff who was a particularly large arsehole.

I concur - and the fact that he acted like your best mate once you were in the sixth form didn't make up for the fact that he'd acted like a cunt in all the previous five. But I digress -- Phil

Lee Sylvester was 2 years above me at school, and clearly the school hard man. He demonstrated this by decapitating a rabbit and nailing its head by its ears to the school basketball hoop.

He took me to one side and showed me the rabbit's foot, making it form a fist by pulling on the tendon hanging out of the back.

I'd never spoken to him before - the fact that he showed me alone made me feel very special. Does this mean I'm a gayer?

Yes.

Alan brought his pet mouse into school in a plastic ice cream tub. Boys then skewered its regular supply of droppings onto sharp pencils and ran after more sensitive children, attempting to flick the wee beastie's shit onto them. A direct hit would lead to the victim solemnly being informed they now had rabies, and would, unfortunately, die foaming at the mouth when they got home. One particularly weak child got some in his eye - naturally meaning he now had super-rabies. He spent the rest of the day sobbing under a desk, waiting for the inevitable.

A simple variant on the classic humming game, that requires no self-control. Start a slow crescendo of humming, imitative of high performance motor vehicles, is performed by each member of the class whilst all is quiet. The race is approaching.

Once the teacher becomes aware of engine noises, students are free to roar with gay abandon, mimicking whichever vehicle they damn well please.

A totally non-PC game where somewhere's rubber is daubed with the union jack and the words BNP. For additional effect, the rubber can then be used as a stamp to accessorise exercise books.

A team effort requiring patience, a streaming cold and a strong stomach.

By coating a radiator with snot and phlegm and leaving it to bake hard, it is possible to 'grow', over the course of a few weeks, a material akin to snakeskin. Further prosthetic enhancements (especially ears and lips) can be made from the Hubba Bubba mountains on the undersides of the desks.

All you need to do then is find someone on whom to perform a unique makeover.

Only certain children are capable of achieving the rage. It is the state where you are empowered by two silver lines of snot running from your nose to your mouth. Once this bionic power feed is broken, the child will lose their powers and become sullen, sorry, and somewhat confused at the chaos that surrounds them.

Unpopular children who would come to school with bags full of sweets in a pathetic attempt to ingratiate themselves with the more popular, infinitely richer, and therefore fundamentally better kids.

The Lord of the Raggers attended our school. His name was Colin, and his father owned a Spar-type convenience store.

Colin would steal entire boxes of Mars Bars from his father's store, and dole them out to popular kids, who would suffer his awfulness for as long is it took to grab a handful of chocolate and run away.

Quick sums :
Price of chocolate bar : 20p
Number of chocolate bars in box : 48
Time taken to distribute all bars : 2 minutes
Cost of Ragger-Popularity : £288 per hour

Over all the streets and houses
Rain-bones flying high.
Shoot the little Cheese-man's children,
Kill them till they die.

Over all the streets and houses,
Rain-bones turned to green.
3-4 Methelyn-dioxy-
Meth-amphetamine.

Shall we go and Napalm Browntown,
With a chickens head?
Why has mr Tidmann got a small boy,
With him in his bed?

Mr Tidmann was an RE teacher, who had once said 'everyone goes through a homosexual phase. I know I have.'

Ever so slightly less sophisticated adaptation of the Rainbow theme song:

Up above the streets and houses
Geoffrey flying high.
Opens up his hairy legs
And shits in Bungle's eye.

Also see:

Up above the streets and houses
Geoffrey flying high.
Bungle gets his big cock out
And pokes him in the eye.

Note: This is NOT a cue for an endless torrent of Rainbow theme versions - unless you know a really good one about Rod, Jane and Freddy rainbow kissing. - Ponky

You'd have thought that poking Geoffrey in the eye with his cock would be sweet ursine revenge enough for Bungle, but no...

Bungle stuck his bum out the window
Shat in Geoffrey's eye
Geoffrey said "You bastard Bungle,
You are gonna die"
Paint...Geoffrey's...face...with...a...Big poo!".
Doof doof dodo dododoof!

Geoffrey can give it out, but he doesn't like it back! You get plus marks for the Eastenders style drums at the end, but did you not hear what Ponky said? I don't see ANY mention of Rod Jane & Freddy doing it Frenchie style here. - Mansh

Another of the mystical acts, such as felching, and squicking. Simply to clear the air, my understanding of a rainbow kiss is that the man gives the lady a mouthpiece when she is subscribing to the monthly rags. After a certain time, he rears up his head and kisses the lady, who doesn't appear to mind that she is being fed her own chewed up placenta. Why this is a rainbow kiss is somewhat confusing. Red, for the blood, obviously. Yellow, for the wee-wee. But green, purple, blue? I should be concerned.

I have heard that the female participant should have a mouth chock-full of jizzum ready for when the male participant offers her his gift. It is said that the ensuing mix of bodily fluids affords a far more appealing 'rainbow' effect.

That's not what it is at all. A rainbow kiss is an immediate post-blowjob frenchie, with the semen swirled between the mouths of the amorous young lovers. I know this to be true, because an older boy from another school told me on camp.

(Thanks to Dr Ringpiece for pointing out that this practice is actually called snowballing.)

Both right, both wrong. It's a 69 while she's got the painters in. After geezer cums in lady's mouth (though to describe her as a lady is dubious) they mix up the semen and the menstrual blood in a joyous tribute to their dirty yet loving relationship. True lovers swallow it too. The mingers.

Small multi-couloured puffed sugar rice. On sale at the breaktime tuck shop for 5p a bag. Contained enough E-Numbers to fell a mechanical horse. Guaranteed to induce raging spasms, violent behaviour, and epileptic fits in anyone fortunate enough to try some. And that's before you even get started on the name.