Shouted and accompanied by a flexing of a little finger. Denotes the possession of a less than impressive member. An abbreviation of Maggot, which little willies look like. Variations include, maggee, Mr. Magoo, magga magga magga and magwaaaaah, shouted in a Zippy from Rainbow style voice.

The only reversal is, sadly, rather clumsy. Simply shout back "No you're the MAG! I'm a MONSTER!" Meaning, obviously, that your penis is huge, and very hairy indeed.

- Have you ever seen a maggot spit?
- No...
- Well, wank harder then.

An animated wizard, who had special e-mazing powers. Voiced by Derek Griffiths, he would sing;

Fat becomes fate with me!
Rat becomes rate with me!
and of course
Shit becomes shite with me!
I'm magic magic E...

After comically noting that shit becomes shite with him, children would rack their brains, without success, to think of another rude word ending in a removeable "e".

pube - some people might say it's childish, but i still find it funny at 26, so what do they fucking know?

(See also "rap becomes rape with e". A cautionary tale for the hip hop generation. -Susan)

How about 'Wankr becomes Wanker with me...'?

Harry, you might like to see this entry, to guage the degree to which you have just entirely missed the point. Can anyone else see how Harry has missed the point of "a word that becomes a rude word when you add the letter e to the end" in two distinct ways?

The Magic Potion would be made from a hlaf-empty yoghurt pot, plus added ingredients such as barbeque crisps, bread crusts, apple pips and anything else to hand. The challenge was to make it as big and filthy a mix as possible, and for it to be stirred clockwise with the dinner-lady's pen, otherwise it wouldn't work.

The hapless yogurt owner would then have to eat this mess. If sucessful and was able to keep the mix down for more than ten minutes they were crowned "the Great Sage" for the lunchtime. If they lost the contents of lunch within the ten minutes, they were made to eat grass, because that's what cats do when they have a dodgy stomach.

After George's Marvellous Medicine was read on Jackanory (by Rik Mayall), my sister and I elected to make our own version. But rather than having curative properties, ours would be deadly toxic, and we would use it to poison the children at our school for whom we harboured a dark hatred.

So a Stork Margarine container was procured and a series of top-secret raids on household cupboards was organised. We managed to include a paracetamol, numerous cleaning products, goldfish medicine, Jolen facial hair bleach and shampoo. In a fit of conscience, my sister threw the medicine down the lav while I was occupied, riding around the garden in horse form. Her feeble excuse was that “we can’t just go round poisoning people at the school”. Surely she had not thought this was any more than a childish game? I wasn’t really going to poison anyone; I just wanted to make sure they didn’t go down with fin rot.

"What's underneath the Magic Table?" I asked, out of the blue, one lunchtime.

Naturally curious, I bent my head to investigate the source of the witchcraft and wizardry, which proved to be Jane McKeating's eight year old, hairless genitals.

When we were five, Daniel Davies and I would drop our pencils under the table during handwriting practice, and spend the pencil-recovery time looking up the girls' skirts.

'Magic Table' caught on so well that when the teacher left the room, dozens of pencils would clatter to the floor and all of the boys would congregate underneath the table.

It grew so popular that the girls started to do it too, and thus the "Magic Table" vanished in a puff of logic.

Even if you are wearing trousers and underwear, if you press your fingers hard enough up your buttock cleft and worm them around, a small amount of anus smell will be transferred to your fingers. The process by which this happens is entirely magical. On a really warm day, I managed to get the smell through underpants, trousers, and jumper.

A couple of people have written to me concerning stinkpalm, but I haven't seen Mallrats yet, so I haven't the foggiest what you're talking about.

For the education of those who do not know what stink palming is--

Brodie: You stink-palm him.
TS:Stink-palm?
Brodie: You take your hand and you stick it in your ass. You been walking' all day and you're nervous, so you'll be sweaty as hell... You shake hands with the guy. 'Hey, Mr.. Svening. How've you been ?'
TS:What's the point?
Brodie:You know how long it takes for that smell to come off? Scrub all you like, it'll stick around for two days. How does he explain it to his colleagues and family? They'll think he doesn't know how to wipe his ass.
TS:Meanwhile, you are left with A hand that smells like shit.
Brodie:Small price to pay... For the smiting of one's enemies.

(I've begrudgingly put this up, but I'm still not going to acknowledge that dad up a chimney is a scene out of Gremlins, so STOP TELLING ME, I KNOW)

(never, never break friends/if you do/you'll catch the flu/and that will be the end of you.)

So we all know this one, but interestingly enough, the popular comedian Adam Bloom genuinely believes he invented this rhyme, in a playground in Richmond in 1977. No one else knew it before he invented it, and he will accept no argument to the contrary.

James Fidget (real name) had a false roof to his mouth that clipped on in some arcane way. It didn't clean itself very well, so in between his roast dinner and his custard-drenched pudding he would remove the plastic thingummy and clean it manually. The trick here was to distract him in increasingly surreal ways so he forgot to replace it, and then - when he had eaten a fair whack of the custard - make him laugh hysterically. You haven't lived until you've seen custard flood out of a schoolboy's nose.

Gerald Malarkey was devoid of any kind of morality or humanity. Once he was disturbed from slamming a small kids head in a door by a particularly stupid PE teacher. This prompted the line "What's all this Malarky....", at which point he lost momentum, realising how his sentence must end. "....errm.... Malarky..." And we all laughed,except for the guy with his head in the door,who wept.

A male who has yet to grow pubic hair. Or - and this is the tricky bit - anyone who does not know what a mallet is.

Pleasingly close to diarrhoea. Mamma Mia / I've got diarrhoea / Plip-Plop / Can you hear my shit drop? is a fine example of this similarity in action.

Man with Jack-in-the-box, The, noun phrase.

Best known example of a freestyle epic narration (a form of oral storytelling in which profoundly eccentric characters have endless serial adventures in a world that is in various unforeseeable ways hostile to their existence).

A story featuring a man cursed with the possession - which he could never put down - of a large jack-in-the-box whose 'jack' could spring to a height of twenty metres; an optimistic young girl; a monk who had mastered a meditative technique in which one relocated one's own centre of gravity to a point some way in front of oneself (this made walking impossible; he could only fall from place to place), and other minor figures. This trio encounters many trials as they negotiate, for example, perilous roof gardens made of papier mache and corridors which contrary to the laws of perspective, physically narrow to a single point.

The story was developed by the boys who didn't play touch football.

The Adventures of Licky Bongo

These adventures were always detailed by Mudge on school trips - coaches inducing a mild form of cabin fever. Lickybongo’s adventures included him being chased by a crocodile and escaping by pulling an inflatable QE2 out of his arse, and meeting a shelfstacker in ASDA who had tits on the end of her arse. Mudge was made to sit on his own normally about ten minutes into his monologues, because he was laughing too loudly at his own clearly disturbed mind.

A game loosely based on the Hale & Pace characters of the same name. I can't remember the character names now, but two boys would be the two management guys, and one other (usually me) was "Crusty" or something.

So, the guys would be trying to run a nightclub and any other kids in the area would be made to be the nightclub acts. I'm not sure exactly what was supposed to happen then, because it usually degenerated into a fight around that point.